THE MORNING AFTER.....

"There's got to be a morning after, If we can hold on to the night, We have a chance to find the sunshine, Let's keep on lookin' for the light..."

Maureen McGovern, Lyrics THE MORNING AFTER.







This is what happens if you leave good foots out over night...Bleh... A mummy wouldn't touch them with a ten foot ace bandage...Bleh...The Bride of Frankenstein called and said she'll pass on these...And there's a dance on friday...Bleh....Anyway so ends SCARY week and back to the box I go. Hope you got everything sweet you wanted, I know i did....

Until next year ....Bleh.....

THE GREAT PUMPKIN

"I've learned there are three things you don't discuss with people: religion, politics and THE GREAT PUMPKIN"

Linus Van Pelt, It's The great Pumpkin Charlie Brown.

Boys and ghouls the day is upon us like a bad piece of cheese.......Bleh... Pumpkin guts are my favorite slimy and cold like snake poop....All those mice...Bleh..... These "Pumpkin Foots" are deliciously high in protein and beta carotene but eat too much and the Vites of your eyes Vill turn orange...Bleh... Have a "SPOOKY" Halloween and try not to step on any toes...Bleh.......

CARE TO DINE OUT...

"I'm bigger than you and higher up on the food chain. Now get in my belly!..."

Fat Bastard, THE SPY WHO SHAGGED ME.




Bleh..Not my first choice on the menu but pickin's get's slim this close to Halloween...Bleh....At least these foots are nice and juicy, you must be careful with the skinny ones that you don't get a bone caught in your throat...Bleh...Fresh meat from the cooker, Finger Lickin' Good.....Bleh....

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa......

And yes, it is a woman...

Count Da Foot...

"AAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.....Oh Christ why in god's name did I take this picture..Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.... Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...... Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....... Why ? In the name of all that is holy I should tear my eyes out..... Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.....

"Dont Vorry folks it Vill be over soon....."

GRUBBY TOES

"She's so deliciously low, So horribly dirty..."

Professor Henry Higgins, MY FAIR LADY.



Bleech...Is there anything verse than grimy blackened toenails Bleh..Vat vas she digging graves with those toes...Bleh...These twisted feet are about as pleasant as a dog licking his crotch...Bleh...These little piggies should have stayed home instead of going to market......Bleehhh...

OHH....YOU FILTHY ANIMAL...

"Hey, sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but i'd never know 'cause i wouldn't eat the filthy motherfucker. Pigs sleep and root in shit. That's a filthy animal. I ain't eat nothin' that aint got enough sense enough to disregard its own feces."

Jules Winnfield, Pulp Fiction.


If I vasn't already dead these filthy grubby foots vould send me to an unseemly gruesome demise...Bleh...I've found cleaner body parts floating in a Port Authority toilet..Bleh....I'd rather live off homless feet than these retched stumps...Bleh.....Vhat kind of human are you ,You fithy animal......BLEHHHHHH..

SCARY FEET....BLEH..

"No tears, please. It's a waste of good suffering...Just come over here and die while you still have the option of doing it quickly....."

Pinhead Lead Cenobite, Hellraiser.


Bleh,Bleh Velcome to scary week I am your host "Count Da Foot" bringing you the feet that go bump in the night and might I say these coffin nails have hit many walls in their time..Bleh....Soo scary and there not even in 3D...Bleh Bleh.... You got left toes turning right and right toes turning left and all on Da same foot..Bleh.. These feet should be in bandages not in shoes..Bleh.. and vhat is that a side-car....Bleh... The scariest thing is she's not even DEAD!....Bleh....Bleh....

SO VERY TIRED...

"I'm tired, tired of playing the game... ain't it a fwiggin shame... I'm so tired.."


Lili Von Shtupp, BLAZING SADDLES.


Man I'm freakin tired so i'll make this short and sweet. Look at the nice feet, Nice toes, Nice color, not too veiny. Nice shoes, not too brown, not too granola Nice,Nice,Nice....Ok i'm going to sleep, i'm freakin tired...

Man I wish a bus would hit me and put me in a coma for like three months, then i'd get the rest I deserve...

CARNIE FEET

"Only two things scare me, Nuclear war and Carnies... You know Carnies, Circus folk. Nomads, smell like cabbage, very small hands....."

Austin Danger Powers, International Man Of Mystery.

Hurray! Hurray! Step right up folks, See the feets so freakishly small they can only be contained in this forum..Gaze closely at the toes no bigger than candy corns....SEE the toenails too small to polish....BE AMAZED at soles hard as stones....HOLD YOUR CHILDREN FOR FEAR THAT THEIR ARCHES MIGHT GO MISSING LIKE THIS POOR LASS....At eighteen years old she is "DOOMED FOR ETERNITY" to wear a boys size four...What kind of GOD could have made this poor creature...Five cents a look folks, No wooden nickles please......

THE CRAFTY ZEBRA

"I finally got around to reading the dictionary, it turns out the zebra did it...."

Steven Wright, Comedian.


Greetins from the bush, todays hunt was in the forrest of "FORREST HILLS QUEENS" very dangerous place, not much cover. Anyway I was feasting on a hot can O beans and weenies when this hellcat came flying by me camp with the speed of a very small horse. Hot on the trail I knew it would be difficult. She was moving swiftly , weaving in and out of benches and cars. I almost gave up when as a last resort I smashed her on the head with me camera. Not the most respectable way to make a ketch but look at the results, the chipped metalic polish, the pudgy toes and horizontal stripes are very rare in this area.

The skins should make a fine rug for me floor.. I MEAN....This subject should do fine in the sanctuary..Why do I always do that?

A WALK IN THE PARK

"Sitting on a park bench...(Daa-Na-Na-Naa), eyeing little girls with bad intent..(Daa Na-Na Naa)...Snots running down his nose(Daa Na-Na-Na) greasy fingers smearing shabby clothes, Hey Aqualung.....

Lyric Jethro Tull, AQUALUNG





"Saturday in the park, it must have been the fourth of July, Funny days in the park, and every days the fourth of July..."

Lyrics Chicago, Saturday In The Park.

Let's get somthing straight Ok, it wasn't Saturday and I had a sinus infection from my hayfever and it may have been in September..... The point is check out these great size 8 unblemished fresh out of the box soles, nice.. And if you can find somthing wrong with them then i say "You lookin to close"Aaah to be a carefree 19 year old girl again....

I MEAN GUY, YOU HEARD "GUY" RIGHT!

MODEL FEET

"I'm pretty sure there's alot more to life than being really, really, really ridiculously good looking.. And I plan on finding out what that is..."

Derek Zoolander, Male Model.

No, I did not find this woman on the catwalk, on the catwalk.. I discovered this tall lovley drink of a woman standing outside a nail salon (I don't stalk people outside the nail salon if thats what you think... anyway the restraining order expired in september so Na-Na Na-Na Na-Naaaaa.) Anyway she was happy to pose those peek-a-boo toes being a former model although i'm not crazy about feet S.O.S. (straight out of salon) . There usually scrubbed to hard with inflamed bloody cuticles ; And don't get me started with the toilet paper between the toes... its like going to the supermarket in a bath robe and curlers in your hair.. Just stay under the dryer a little longer...

what's this? Mail?... It appears the restraining order has been renewed ..mmm 300 feet... Well what's another 3 months anyway?

MEET THE FLINTSTONES

"Let's ride with the family down the street.. Through the, courtesy of Freds two feet..."

Lyrics to THE FLINTSTONES





A special thanks to a guest photographer for capturing these feet straight out of Bedrock. Thank god for anti-lock brakes or these juicy "Rubble" feets would be used to stop the family car....(it's a living). These finely polished peds take full advantage of the flip-flops leaving no room for error. Mesozoic size 3 stone.

Yabba Dabba Doo Baby!

THE AFRICAN QUEEN

"But where in New York can one find a woman with grace, elegance, taste and culture? A woman suitable for a king.....Queens!"

Prince Akeem, COMING TO AMERICA

"I want to kill a lion, fight with Mohammad Ali and drive in a convertible with two happy zebras..."

Homer Simpson on Africa.


Don't let these feet fool you because they look a little beaten up around the edges they belong to a pretty black dancer just coming out of class. At a size 8 1/2 inch for inch those toes are the most powerful thing on her body, So think twice before you pass judgement on these mocha flavored toes cradled in a delicate white flip-flop or she might just kick you in the face faster than you can say "RIVERDANCE"

THE EMPTY SHOE

"I Wonder where that fish did go, A fish, A fish, A fishy ....OOOHHHHH.
OOOHHH Fishy, Fishy, Fish!
And it went werever I did go...

Monty Python, THE MEANING OF LIFE


Isn't it sad folks, the shoes just sitting there with no feet to fill them. Only three weeks before happily painted toes were romping around in these sandals from the Gap(leather uppers, outer lining "other materials"). You can see the filthy imprints where the foots used to be.. Yes October is upon us, those horrible mutant fruits are in stores everywhere and now these shoes must quietly go back into the summer bin.... Now feet will go uncared for, toenails will grow longer, pedicures will be left for the spring (and weddings) And everyone will say "don't take pictures of me, I have Winter Feet! " So sad, so sad..

Aww Crap! Just leave me be...

JESUS CREEPERS

"Well maybe if he had better arch support, they wouldn't have caught him.."

Homer J Simpson .
(About Jesus wearing sandals)




Call them what you will Moses Moccasins, Babylon Bombers or Birkenstocks to me they will always be too brown have too many buckels and can make the most attractive feet look like they've been wandering around in the desert for the last fourty years.

(although i have been told that they are extremely comfortable and give superior arch support Now for a word from our sponsors......)

MELTS IN YOUR MOUTH, NOT IN YOUR HANDS

" Ooh piece of candy, Ooh piece of candy, Ooh piece of candy, Ooh piece of candy, Ooh piece of candy, Ooh piece of candy, Ooh piece of candy, Ooh piece of candy..."


James Woods, FAMILY GUY.

Feet so sweet they good enough to eat.. Yes, M&M's Do make friends. I found this girl frolicking in a large pile of chocolate after being given a purple M&M flavored ruffe by some rouge Oompa-Loompas....horny little bugger they are, all hopped up on the green M&M'.... So angry.....So very,very angry..

So remember in the immortal words of Homer J Simpson "So I says, blue M&M, red M&M, they all wind up the same color in the end."

E.T. TOES

"E.T. PHONE HOME......."
E.T. The Extra-terrestial.

"It's E.T. Eddie Torres with the Extra Testicle...."
Cheech and Chong, Still Smokin 1983.

Hide the Reeses folks for these slender toes that are not from this world.I found this cutie taking samples of our earth and captured this photo to prove that I'm no wacko....I mean "there is life on other planets". She stated she was a sze 8 1/2 but i suspect she was close to a 15. When the mother ship came there were toes everywhere, I wont bore you with the details but i was lucky to get away with my life....(You believe me don't you?...Why doesnt anyone believe me?)

Be good........

X MARKS THE SPOT

"Dying's the easy way out. you won't catch me dying.. They'll have to kill me before i die!"

Graham Chatman, 1983 Captain Yellowbeard.

"Garr" with a heave! and a ho! i gives you these feets that have sent many a sailor down to davey jones locker. I wouldn't mind gettin with this lass and haulin some keel AARRRRR..
This is the finest pirate booty I've ever laid eyes on a Mootsie Tootsie 7 1/2 with straps thick enough to hold the sails to the ship and remember the treasure is always buried under the X... ("think i'll swipe the ankle bracelt while im down there YARRRR..)

Call to mind darlin's...Im 97 percent Chum Free......

SOLO?

"Jabba wan toe greedo sigh con Solo?..."

Jabba the Hutt, RETURN OF THE JEDI.

" One little indian boy left all alone; he went and hanged himself and then there were none..."

Agatha Christie, AND THEN THERE WERE NONE.

I would love to be able to tell you this belongs to a one legged woman but Nay! this sole belongs to a true sceptic... Before agreeing to this ONE photo she asked 50 millon questions like "who do you work for?, is this a porno site?, don't get my face... , Can you crop out my leg?, am i gonna get paid for this?, when will i be posted? (blah,blah,blah,blah,blahhh..) It was a tremendous amount of Q&A for one photo of this mangy, unkempt and heavily calloused sole.

(she should have asked where a drugstore was so she could buy some foot cream and a toenail clipper....)

FEETS LIVING DANGEROUSLY

"The names Dangerously, Johnny Dangerously..."

Lil: "Did you know your last name is an adverb?

Johnny and Lil, Johnny Dangerously






Listen, Its not me fault if strange foots get caught in me gorilla net.... I posted state mandated 5x7 sign "GORILLA NET AHEAD BE CAREFUL NOT TO GET YOUR FOOTS CAUGHT IN THERE!" Its as plain as day hangin up in that tree.... anyway she could get out anytime she wants, there's like giant holes in the net.. its not like i shot her with a trank dart......ah yea... Anyway take a look at this fine specimen clean soles, good arches, tight grouping on the toes, this one was farm raised a real "KEEPER" and you know the law of the land " If you catch it, You keep it"......
I AM THE FOOT HUNTA....

SILENCE OF THE PIGGIES..

"it rubs the lotion on its skin. it does this whenever it is told..
It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again..
Now place the lotion in the basket...
It puts the lotion in the basket....

PUT THE FUCKING LOTION IN THE BASKET!........"

Jame "Buffalo Bill" Gumb, Silence of the Lambs

Hello Clarice.... Quid Pro Quo i tell you things you tell me things.... If this little piggy went to market, and this little piggy stayed home and if this little piggy ate roast beef...Would it make him taste less like a pig? Combine size of the two equals the age of Michael Jacksons last victim.... Twenty greasy piggies hiding in a well, if someone finds them I must say farewell...

Disclaimer: (no one is hiding in my well, in fact i dont have a well and if i did i would not hide the "piggies" in there....)