LAND SHARK

[ Music: "Jaws Theme ] [ a knock at the door ]
Woman #2: [ appoaches the door ] Yes?
Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] Mrs. Arlsbergerhh??
Woman #2: Who?
Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] Mrs. Johnannesburrrr??
Woman #2: Who is it?
Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] Flowers.
Woman #2: Flowers? From whom?
Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] Plumber, ma'am..
Woman #2: I don't need a plumber. You're that clever shark, aren't you?
Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] Candygram.
Woman #2: Candygram, my foot! Get out of here before I call the proper authorities. You're the shark, and you know it.
Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] I'm only a dolphin, ma'am..
Woman #2: A dolphin? Well.. okay..
[ she opens the door, as the shark pulls her screaming into the hallway ] ....

Radio: ...considered the cleverest of all sharks. Unlike the great white, which tends to inhabit the waters of harbors and recreational beach areas, the Land Shark may strike at any place, any time. It is capable of disguising its voice, and generally preys on young, single women. Experts at the University of Miami's Oceanographic Institute suggest that the best way to scare off the shark in the event of an attack is to hit or punch the predator in the Nose. Now for the weather..

Saturday Night Live Skit (1975) Land Shark.

It ran kind of long so I'll shut up for now......I promise no more vacations for a while...

ROCK LOBSTER TAKE TWO.....(Day Of The Gout)

Gout ( P ) Pronunciation Key (gout) n.
:A disturbance of uric-acid metabolism occurring chiefly in males, characterized by painful inflammation of the joints, especially of the feet and hands, and arthritic attacks resulting from elevated levels of uric acid in the blood and the deposition of urate crystals around the joints. The condition can become chronic and result in deformity.
:A large blob or clot.

Source: On-line Medical Dictionary, © 1997-98

Ok, Lets do the math...On vacation in New England a 2 lb. lobster bought at the fishing boats costs $8 instead of at the market for $10.99 a pound... Due to such incredible savings I can triple my intake twice daily... If I stay 10 days with no exercise and add either steak or shrimp with each meal how many toes will have to be amputated from my right foot from the gout after the paramedics have to remove me through my front bay window and transport me in my oversized bed via fork lift?
You will have thirty minutes to complete this question. Use #2 pencils only..

ROCK LOBSTER

We were at a party, His ear lobe fell in the deep Someone reached in and grabbed it,
It was a rock lobster
We were at the beach, Everybody had matching towels.
Somebody went under a dock
And there they saw a rock
It wasn't a rock
It was a rock lobster.......

Lyrics B-52's, Rock Lobster.

The lyrics to that song make about as much sense as those two retard mimes Shields and Yarnell ....But that was 1979 and lets not forget it was the same year MacArthur's Park by Donna Summer was in the top 10.... Anyway, My point here is no feet were harmed in the making of this shoot HOWEVER... These tasty little buggers (2 lbs to be exact) Suffered horribly in boiling sea water (13 min to be exact) only to be covered by many sticks of melted butter (4 to be exact) , Digested and eventually, Shat out my anus...

Mel Gibson should make a movie about that Holocaust....