VINTAGE 35mm PHOTO (circa 1989)

"Kodachrome, they give us those nice bright colours They give us the greens of summers Makes you think all the world's a sunny day, oh yeah
I got a Nicon camera, I love to take a photograph So
mama don't take my Kodachrome away...

Mama don't take my Kodachrome away,
mama don't take my Kodachrome away,
Mama don't take my Kodachrome away...."

SIMON & GARFUNKEL lyrics - "Kodachrome"


Ahh times were simpler back then. Look Who's Talking was tearing up the box office with a thin Kirstie Alley. An old Ronald Regan was turning over the presidency to a younger George H.W. Bush. That talentless spoiled bitch "GWYNETH PALTROW" was still ten years away from winning the Academy Award for Shakespeare in Love, and Milli Vanilli's "Blame It On The Rain" was blasting on every car stero..35mm film reigned supreme and each camera weighed fourteen pounds. Yup those were good times.
Oh by the way I have no idea who this is in the photo but guaranteed she was a filthy hippie....

THE HOT COUSIN.....

"Me mind on fire -- Me soul on fire -- Feeling hot hot hot.
Party people -- All around me feeling hot hot hot
What to do - On a night like thisMusic sweet - I can't resist
We need a party song - A fundamental jam....
So we go rum-bum-bum-bum
Yeah we rum-bum-bum-bum
Feeling hot hot hot -- Feeling hot hot hot - oh Lord.."



You know who they are. You see them holidays, weddings christenings... They're sexy and demure... they play coy.. you play coy back... Your conversations are short and witty.. you find yourself..***(Attention, This is a special bulletin: I have never found any woman in my lifetime other than my incredibley forgiving wife "hot, sexy or demure" If I ever utter these words again and they are not directed at the "LITE OF MY LIFE" I will spend the rest of my miserable life in undescribable pain the likes of which I cannot imagine.... coincidentally I am no longer to have contact with any member of her family living or deceased because I am a bad, bad boy.......)*******

THANKSGIVING HOAX AND THE TURKEY COMA

"Now my beauties. Something with poi-son in it I think. With poison in it. But attractive to the eye and soothing to the smell. Ha-ha-ha-ha. Poppies. Poppies...


Poppies will put them to sleep.
Sle-ee-p. Now they'll sle-ee-p."

Wicked Witch of the West.




Arise my pretties, you are not dreaming... To leave you with just "SOCKS" would be a sin; but it was not an easy task.... Fourth and goal ten seconds to go... Turkey enzyme kicking in... Kids now throwng a "Fat Frenchcman's Fit".... People starting to leave... Little Orphan Annie starring Carol Burnett, Albert Finney and Tim Curry (circa1982) is now playing for a SECOND time.......THE SNAP...... the photographer's got off one sock, now the other..... who's that bringing in the banner... Where the hell did the paper turkey come from..... TOUCHDOWN .... That's "FIFTY TOES" folks... Oh the humanity... good night folks I'm out of here, stay tuned for your local sponsers...

THIS SOCKS.....

" My brother and I used to say that drownin' in beer was like heaven, eh? Now he's not here, and I've got two soakers... this isn't heaven, this sucks....."

Bob McKenzie, The Adventures of Bob & Doug McKenzie: Strange Brew.

What a gyp, what a ripoff.... This is no holiday photo, not the one I envisioned.... (begin dream sequence): I imagined feet rammed through turkey carcase's dripping in gibblet gravey, sitting in a pool of cranberry sauce and sausage stuffing. surrounded by side dishes and white wine.... :(end dream sequence) Begin reality....
Screaming children, complete exhaustion, coffee spills, Triptaphen.... Deals were made, deals were broken... I was lucky to get out alive snapping only one photo. The logistics just were'nt there so sue me....

editors note* (please don't sue me) HAPPY TURKEY DAY.....

LIME OR LEMON?

"Brother bought a coconut, he bought it for a dime,
His sister had another one, she paid it for the Lime.
Now let me get this straight?
Put the lime in the coconut, you drank 'em both up
Put the lime in the coconut, you drink 'em both together
Put the lime in the coconut, then you feel better
Put the lime in the coconut, drink 'em both down
Put the lime in the coconut, and call me in the morning...."
Lyrics Coconut, HARRY NILSSON.

Pucker up folks and give thanks for the women that allow me to constantly torment them with photos and props, some more dangerous than others but during these troubled times we must push the envelope. Remember when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade.. If life gives you shit, you make a shit sandwich.....
(and remember eventually, everyone takes a bite of the shit sandwich..)

USED CAR TROUBLE FOR A LOVLEY LATINA.....

" Will Darnell: 'Kiddo, you sold him that piece of shit, you oughta be fuckin' ashamed of yourself. Dennis Guilder: I didn't sell it to him. I tried to talk him out of it.
Will Darnell: You shoulda' tried harder. "

Memorable Quotes from Christine
(1983), John Carpenter.



Gidday mates, been away for a while. (*editors note* when Foot Hunter states "Away" it usually means prison or court mandated community service*) Fall can be tough on a hunta, specially when all the good foots scurry south for the winta and all. Anyway while in the land of the New Rochelle I spotted this Loverly Latinar havin a bit of trouble with her used auto. Sprining into action I bartered her a deal, I get's her engine purrin like a dingo and she gives me a photo of them feets.. a bit raptor-ish I might add but this late in the season even an "F" is a passin grade. So after a new battery,plugs, wires, radiator, transmisson and two tires the pact was complete.....


You can see who got the better of that deal...more satisfyin than a Dingo's breakfast : a yawn, a leak and a good look round (i.e. no breakfast)

WINTER FEET....

" High school is a lot like prison: Bad food, high fences; the sex you want, you ain't gettin', the sex you gettin', you don't want. I've seen terrible things....."

Inmate Luther, THE NEW GUY.


Now apply that theory to winter feet. Poor, poor winter foots...so cold there's noticable shrinkage. It's obvious that they were a half a size bigger before she left the house. So cold polish wont even stay on the toes.... I'm tellin ya it's cold... Toes all wrinkled up like a pruny old man's ass out of a hot tub.

Im tellin you it was cold....

DAS FREAKIN BOOT....

Debi: You know what you need?
Marty: What?
Debi: Shakabuku.
Marty: You wanna tell me what that means?
Debi: It's a swift, spiritual kick to the head that alters your reality forever.
Marty: Oh, that'd be good. I think.

Memorable Quote, Grosse Pointe Blank.

You may not recover from a kick to the head from these "BOOTS MADE FOR WALK'IN" by aldo but you still might want to take a chance. I know I did... Owww... Owwww... Mad Max eat your heart out..

FLASHBACK: JUNE '02 MARGARITAVILLE KEY WEST

"I blew out my flip flop,Stepped on a pop top,Cut my heel, had to cruise on back home.But there's booze in the blender,And soon it will render That frozen concoction that helps me hang on.Wasted away again in Margaritaville Searchin' for my lost shaker of salt. Some people claim that there's a woman to blame,But I know, it's my own damn fault....."
Jimmy Buffet, Lyrics Margaritaville.

It was one of those long lost drunken weekend trips where the liquor continuously flows, the days seem to melt together and you often wake up with a horrible dry cotton taste in your mouth...Anyway I do remember taking this photo outside the bar because her toes were extremely busy and her feet reminded me of a lizzard.. Long, skinny, multiple separations between the toes and moving very quickly in the hot sun...

Here lezzard, lezzard, lezzard... Nice Lezzard, lezzard, lezzard....

MORE OF THE FRENCH.....

" I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.."

French Soldier, MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL.

Wow this is the biggest french pedicure I have ever seen. I mean her big toe starts somewhere around her ankle and ends up about a foot in front of her. Her toes don't match from one foot to another,It looks like she got two different feet on. Don't get me wrong, I am truly grateful that our paths crossed but WOW!

YEEE-HAWWW...

Size 8 1/2, unknown brand bought on the internet..... Now lets get to dancin!

Begin Fiddle..

" (Singing.) Step right up, you're doin' fine, I'll pull your beard, you pull mine. Yank it again, like you did before, Break it up with a tug o' war.
(Singing.) Grab a fence post, hold it tight, Womp your partner with all your might. Hit him in the shin, hit him in the head, Hit him again, the critter ain't dead. Wop him low and wop him high, Stick your finger in his eye. Pretty little rhythm, pretty little sound, Bang your heads against the ground.
And now you're home. Bow to your partner ,Bow to the gent across the hall. And 'dat is all..

Bugs Bunny and the Sow Belly trio.

HOCUS POCUS OUT OF FOCUS...

"Home? I have no home. Hunted, despised, Living like an animal! The jungle is my home. But I will show the world that I can be its master! I will perfect my own race of people. A race of atomic supermen which will conquer the world! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! ........"

Bela Lugosi Dr. Eric Vornoff,
BRIDE OF THE MONSTER 1955.

History has shown us at some point in their pathetic little lives the "wee" ones will try to take over the earth Ex: Napoleon,Gary Coleman, Pinky and the Brain, Stewie Griffin, Plankton of the chum bucket, The Dwarf from Willow..ect. So don't turn your back on them, look down at all times or one day the average shoe size might just be 5....

In the immortal lyrics of randy_newman "Don't want no short people round here"....

AUTUMN LEAVES MUST FALL...

" They say that all good things must end some day, Autumn leaves must fall, But don't you know that it hurts me so To say goodbye to you, Wish you didn't have to go, No no no no....."

Chad Jeremy, A SUMMER SONG.

Who can resist a wet pile of leaves on a cold autumn day? Not these two nutcases.. All it takes is a plate of sweet hot wings and a couple of pitchers of Rolling Rock Green light Beer and anything can happen. And with the help of a pessimistic, Nay-saying farmer a good time was had by all and clean up was a cinch....

I meant the leaves, the feet were not my problem...

FLASHBACK SUMMER 03....

"It turned colder, that's where it ends -
so I told her we'd still be friends...
Then we made our true love vow -
wonder what she's doin' now

Summer dreams ripped at the seams, but oh, those summer nights

Tell me more,tell me more o-or ooo-ooore.
Danny and Sandy, GREASE.

Ahh those hands, those feet F.O.S. (fresh out of the sock). Who can forget the summer night on that Rhode Island beach. Who can forget the beauty mark under the third toe of her left foot......Apparently everyone but me....

And remember in the words of Danny Zuko "You can't just walk out of a drive-in...."

SPIDER TOES........

" Whatever life holds in store for me, I will never forget these words: "With great power comes great responsibility." This is my gift, my curse. Who am I? I'm Spider-man."

Peter Parker, SPIDERMAN





Greetings Spidy fans here's a little song for you:
Spider toes, spider toes,
all wrapped up in black panty hose,
on the wall, on the floor,
just don't slam them in the door,
LOOK OUT! HERE COMES THE SPIDER TOES.......Excelsior...
Spiderman is a trademark of marvel comics all rights reserved...

CHARLOETTE RUSSE........

"Zee cabbage does not run away from zee corn-beef....eeh. I am stupid. No?"


Pepe Le Pew, Skunk.




These feet have that certain "Je ne sais pas" or as we say in English "I don't know" but what I do know is wow, nice decorative thick flip-flops from Charlolette Russe. I always thought it was an ice cream flavor but then again I'm a moron with no class...

If you hear it enough, you start to believe it...

A FLY IN THE OINTMENT

"Waiter, Waiter, There's a fly in my soup!

that's all right sir, we won,t charge you any extra...."





Ok, I've been told never to look a gift horse in the mouth but at some point you have to draw the line...After getting this photo of the well pedicured feet in the matching Nine West colored sandals this late in the season I was quite happy like I just won a prize... And then, I previewed the photos and upon close inspection I realized "This chick needs a shave" what a gip. It's like finding a hair in your food half way through the meal. She's all dressed up, smells great, and BAM! She's got about thirty blond hairs growing out of her toes. I mean what if I was Mel Gibson, and she was like "I love you Mel, marry me and like take me away"....And I would be like "Get lost freak if you cant even shave your toes what else are you hiding....." I mean the nerve....

FEETS LEFT COOLING ON THE WINDOW SILL

JIM: What exactly does third base feel like?

KEVIN: You want to take this one?

OZ: Like warm apple pie...

JIM: Apple pie, huh? McDonald's or homemade?


Before the "Pie" incident, AMERICAN PIE.

Yup, One of those indian summer days I reckon. On the way home from the mill I discovered those feets cooling on the window sill all by their lonesome I suppose. Had'nt had a good set of feets since the stock market crash of 29. Powerful cute in paticular and those floppin shoes were more than just ordinary black, I suppose. So I filched em', Yup I stole those little buggers. yes indeed, times are tough and I had'nt had a good set of feets since the stock market crash of 29....and they were there all by their lonesome....Did I tell you it was one of those indian summer days.......

DUTCH HATER.....

"All right Goldmember. Don't play the laughing boy. There's only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch. "

Nigel Powers, AUSTIN POWERS IN GOLDMEMBER.

It's good to be back running the site...Bleh.. Lets consider these traditional wooden shoes from Holland a way to cleanse the palate like orange sorbet. These lightweight splinter filled knockers are actually two different sizes 6 1/2 right, 6 left proving that they were whittled for a paticular person. And lets not overlook those delightful milky white ankles...

It IS nice to be back....